Is it weird to be blogging about this? To take something so personal and throw it out there? Do you guys even remember Huck from The Dinz or the advice shows? Do you give a crap? In fact, is anyone even reading this?
I guess I felt that because I do advice shows and talk to people about their roadblocks on the highway of life, it felt weird not to acknowledge my own. That said, there's not too much I can actually share. I would LOVE to give you every little gritty detail about our doomed attempt at romance, if for no other reason than to allow my wisdom to save you and your partner from a similar fate, but unfortunately, it's not just my story. It's his too, and I think he'd rather keep the details between us.
What I can speak to, however, is where I'm at now. By myself. Alone. With that bittersweet combo of loneliness and freedom. And I'm coming to realize something that should have been obvious. I was always alone.
It's not that Huck wasn't there for me and wasn't an incredible boyfriend that I was lucky to have. The fact is, it was always my choice to participate in that relationship. He would never be able to think from my brain and I would never be able to think from his. I was so excited with the idea that I was no longer alone that I forgot to think like an individual! We were always going to be two individuals, both on our own path, and it just so happened that those paths crossed for a little while. Just not for as long as we had expected.
The plans that we had are now not going to happen. Or more to the point - they were never going to happen. If you realize that you're in a relationship of two separate individuals and you're not really the solo unit that your friends might perceive you to be, you finally realize how little you can depend on plans as a couple. The point is, the feeling I have now is that I "lost" these plans, but if they didn't happen, what did I really lose? Making plans is fine - making a plan is practical and gives you something to work for. But you have to be careful about how much you have emotionally invested in a plan. Sure, make plans, but not expectations.
I think that losing yourself in a relationship is dangerous to you and your partner. Always remember that you are alone - and that's not knowledge to depress yourself with, it's knowledge to empower yourself with. You should never feel like you're not free to leave a relationship - you should feel that you are free to stay in it. And allow the future to continue its pesky habit of being a mystery.
I like to think of a couple as two individuals who want to share their strengths with one another.
ReplyDeleteAt some point, they may decide to promise to not stop sharing without first trying to figure out why they want to stop and trying to find a way to not stop.
It's not weird to publicly share what's on your mind. I can't speak for anyone else; but I periodically check in on your writing and videos because you've occasionally provided food for rewarding thought. Keep on truckin'. I hope you enjoy the adventure.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend too just before Christmas. He's a great guy, and he's nice and everything.; and we both approached the relationship in a way where we both recognized a relationship as a mutually beneficial partnership, to enjoy each other's company and help each other grow as people. But in the end I realised I wasn't ready for that kind of thing, because I ended up doing what you did. I kind of stopped seeing myself as an individual unit, which I guess puts alot of pressure on the other person to sort of function as a part of you.
ReplyDeleteI think my point is (if I even had one?) even though things didn't work out, we learn so much about ourselves from the people we choose to spend time with. I guess everyone is a teacher in that way. And from what I'm reading, you're super optimistic about all of this so good on you!
Breaking up is never, ever, ever easy - not even when it's a decision you share between the two of you. If it's easy one probably shouldn't have been a couple in the first place.
ReplyDeleteTake care, you!